The Winter Within
by Rocket Jadie
Summary: A sad TR fic... what more can I say? My first completed TR fic, please R&R!


  
  
(This is a stand alone story, so please don't flame me, shoot me, burn down my house etc ... I don't usually kill off the main characters in my stories, and James will be back in time for my next fanfic. Thanx! Enjoy. ^-.-^)   
  
The Winter Within  
Amine rules aside, no one is immortal. Not even James….  
  
""AHHHH!!!!""   
James' cry echoed through the forest as he desperately tried to shake the caterpillar-like creature off his hand. It was attached by its stinger and didn't seem to want to let go. James swung around, whacking the body of the bug Pokémon against the trunk of a sturdy tree. It finally came loose, dropping off James' hand and falling into a crumpled heap by the tree. Footsteps crunched through the woods as Jessie and Meowth ran to find out what was going on.   
James stared down at his hand. A small droplet of blood welled up from the tiny red dot in the centre of his palm. His eyes watered as he clenched his fist tightly. His problem was that he was hypersensitive, what other people would call a wimp. He couldn't help it; it was just the way he was. Jessie arrived, breathless and looking a little annoyed.   
"What on earth are you yelling about?" she asked curtly. Meowth appeared behind her, looking equally put out.   
"Yeah, where's da catastrophe?"   
With his good hand, James pointed to the unconscious Weedle still lying at the base of the tree.   
"Th-that thing stung m-me!" he wailed.   
Jessie rolled her eyes. "Is that all?! I thought you'd been shot or something! Here, let me see..."   
James unclenched his fist and Jessie grabbed his hand, pulling it closer to inspect the wound.   
"Hah!" she finally snapped, "It's hardly even bleeding!"   
"Dat's a strange lookin' bug though," Meowth said, taking a closer look at the Weedle. The tiny Pokémon had a rash of purple spots over it, not like any other of its species that Meowth had ever seen.   
Jessie let go of James' hand and peered at the Weedle.   
"It looks just like any other bug to me!" she said dismissively, "And we're not supposed to be bug-hunting so can we get a move on? The boss will kill us if we screw another mission up because *you* got us sidetracked again!"   
The last part of her 'speech' was directed at James, who gave her his best pathetic "It's not my fault" look.   
Jessie sighed exasperatedly and turned on her heels, stalking back into the depths of the forest. Meowth muttered something in James' general direction before scurrying after Jessie.   
James sighed and slowly trudged after them, aware of a slight fuzzy feeling in his head. He ignored it, sure that he was just being a hypochondriac again, always thinking something was wrong, but the feeling grew worse and then he began to feel dizzy too. Eventually he had to stop and lean against a tree.   
"Oh God! You can't be tired already!" Jessie cried when she noticed that James had fallen behind, "We're not stopping to rest! Get a move on!"   
She walked over to him and grabbed his arm, yanking him away from the tree's support.   
"But Jessie..." James moaned. Jessie was having none of it.   
"But nothing!" she snapped, shoving him into a brisk walk. They continued for about ten minutes before James stopped again.   
"Jessie, I don't feel well..." he complained.   
Jessie glared at him.   
"Of course you don't feel well! I warned you not to eat that three-week-old donut, but did you listen? No. You have no one to blame but yoursel-"   
She broke off and ran forward just in time to catch her partner as he keeled over and fell.   
  
***  
  
Through the heavy darkness that swamped James' mind, sound started to filter through, in faint, uninterpretable ripples at first, but gradually forming into recognisable voices.   
"Is he going to be okay?"  
That was definitely Jessie's voice, though it was unusually taut with worry.   
"He has a fever."   
The other voice was male, deep and sure sounding. It had to belong to a doctor.  
"Hah! I could have told you that!"   
Jessie again.   
"I won't know any more until the results of the blood-test I did come through," the doctor told her, "But it would seem related to the Weedle sting that you told me he received. He was stung approximately fifteen minutes prior to collapsing, am I right?"   
"Dat's right!" Meowth piped up, "Id was a weird lookin' bug though... Id had poyple spot on id!"'   
"Purple spots...?" the physician mused, "I'll look into it."   
James tried to open his eyes to see what was going on, but the light was much too bright and he shut them tightly again.   
He did a blood test on me? he thought, That guy stuck a needle in me, and I wasn't even awake... just as well really...   
That was another of his failings; he was squeamish. If he had have been conscious, there was no way in hell that that doctor would have been able to take a blood sample.   
Jessie must have noticed the slight movement because she was at James' side in seconds.   
"James... can you hear me?" she whispered.   
James winced. Even though she was whispering, she was too close and her voice was too loud. He didn't feel strong enough to give her a spoken answer, but she seemed satisfied with the faint animation. She gently touched James' forehead with the back of her hand.   
"He feels really hot... what do you think, Meowth?"  
"I'm not goin,' anywhere near him... I don't want to catch wad he's got!" Meowth stated adamantly.   
Jessie glared daggers at him. "Meowth!"  
"Jeez..." Meowth muttered, but he shuffled forward and placed a cold paw on James' skin. He leapt back in pretend pain.   
"Meeoowth! Yowser, you's right... dat's hot!"   
Jessie sighed and wandered over to the other side of the room. Meowth tagged behind.   
"This is all my fault..." Jessie murmured, "I didn't listen to him..."   
"You never listen to anyone!" Meowth commented meanly, "So dat's not surprising, is id?"   
He braced himself for a whack from Jessie's infamous paper fan, but it didn't come. Jessie had wandered off again, this time to the youngish doctor who was fretting over a load of seemingly unorganised papers and reports.   
"When will you know what's wrong with him?"' she asked anxiously.   
"I'll check with forensics in just a sec-"   
A loud *beep!* from the physician's wristwatch cut him off abruptly.   
"I think the results are through," he said quickly, "I'll be right back."   
"You'd better be!" Jessie threatened, "No-one runs away from Team Rocket!"   
The doctor coughed nervously.   
"Of course. I'll be right back."  
With that, the jittery doctor scuttled out of the room.   
"Dat wasn't too clever," Meowth remarked as Jessie started pacing up and down the room. "Yous scared da poor guy, now he probably ain't gonna come back!"   
"Don't be stupid!" Jessie hissed, "He won't want to risk not coming back, or he'll feel my wrath!"   
"Um... Jessie..." Meowth started somewhat timidly, "Would now be a bad time to tell you dat yous got a twig in yer hair?"   
  
  
***  
  
  
Jessie was dozing at the table and didn't hear the faint rap at the door the first time. The knocks became consistently loud and persistent, and eventually Jessie realised that someone was outside the door. Yawning, she staggered to her feet and made her way to the doorway and swung it open. The physician stood there, sporting a nice swollen black eye. He smiled at her unsurely. Jessie stepped aside, letting him in.   
"What happened to you?" she asked crisply.   
"I... uh... bumped into your boss,"' the doc explained, "A misunderstanding really. I told him I was in a hurry, and, uh, he seemed to think I was being rude. I *am* employed under the TR HQ agreement, but he..."   
"Uh-huh, very nice," Jessie said curtly, "Now give me the results and whatever else you have with you and get out of here."   
"Uh, yes... of course..." the doctor agreed, seemingly more nervous by the second. Which wasn't surprising given that Jessie was standing ominously over him, fist balled. She didn't like doctors. Neither she nor James did. They also jointly hated hospitals. The main reason for that was that walking into a hospital as a Team Rocket member was like walking into a police station. They might as well be turning themselves in. And even though Team Rocket HQ employed this physician, Jessie distrusted him as much as any other. It was just one of those things.   
The doctor cleared his throat and was about to speak when Meowth limped into the room, an ice pack over his head.   
The physician raised his eyebrow.  
"What happened to you, little meowth?"   
Meowth flopped into a chair. "Jessie happened..." he moaned, "I told her dat she had a twig in her hair an' she flipped oud. Ooh..."   
"Oh shut up, Furball!" Jessie shouted, "I hardly touched you!"   
"Yous didn't have to..." Meowth replied, "Dat mallet yous used did all da hard work! I'm still seein' stars..."   
Jessie glared at him, daring him to say any more, then turned back to the doctor sweetly.   
"As you were about to say...?"  
The brown haired man nodded.   
"I have the results here. The Weedle that stung your teammate was carrying a virus known as HX256001 and has passed it on to James. The human form of the fever is not contagious, so you don't have to worry."   
"But he'll be okay,"' Jessie stated firmly, "He still owes me money for the cheque that bounced. I'm not going to carry his bad credit if he snuffs it."   
The physician sighed.   
"I'm going to be honest with you. The fever is serious. The mortality rate for this particular strain of the virus is 65%. If he does pull through, the recovery time could be anything between three weeks and three months."   
He stopped talking, noticing that Jessie was no longer listening. Droplets of sweat had appeared on her forehead and she was shaking slightly, eyes wide.   
"You mean he could die? Actually die?" she whispered, staring right through the physician in a way that made him feel strangely haunted.   
"Yes, he could…" the doctor affirmed, then realised how scared the red-head was. "But he probably won't," he amended quickly, "You got him here quickly, he should make a full recovery."   
"He'd better!" Jessie warned, "Or there'll be one doc who won't be leaving the building alive."   
It was the physician's turn to sweat.   
"It's not up to me..." he murmured, edging towards the door, "I can give him some medication that will lower his temperature and lessen the delirium, but in the end it's up to his immune system. I've done all I can, ma'am..."   
He reached the door in a frantic dive, disappearing through and clattering down the hall steps at speed.   
"Hey come back here!" Meowth and Jessie yelled in unison.   
"You didn't check out da bump on my head!" Meowth continued. Jessie shot him a deadly glare, and Meowth immediately knew he'd be nursing more than a black eye if he weren't careful.   
"I'm going to check on James," Jessie said quietly, padding across to the adjoining room.   
James looked like he was asleep. His complexion was a little flushed and he was breathing shallowly. A few strands of lavender hair flopped over his face. He looked more peaceful than Jessie had ever seen him, and she didn't want to wake him. She turned to walk away but her footsteps must have woken him because his eyes fluttered open and he flinched against the bright glare of the lights in the room.   
Jessie smiled at him, but her smile dissolved into a look of confusion as she realised that James was looking at her in horror.   
"What?" she half stammered.   
"J-jessi... Jessibell?" James asked hoarsely, blinking at her.   
Jessie's stomach clenched.   
"No… Jessie."   
James didn't seem to believe her. He shook his head slowly, his expression turning to one of fear.   
"L-leave me alone Jessibell! I d-don't like you!"  
He cowered beneath the covers.   
"James, I'm not Jessibell! You never have to see her again. I'm Jessie... you *know* that!" Jessie insisted.   
James whimpered.   
"Go away Jessibell! You... you can't hurt me anymore!"   
Jessie stared at him, half angry, half hurt. How could he think she was anything like Jessibell, James' ex-fiancé?   
Meowth tugged on her skirt, causing her to look down in annoyance.   
"He's delirious..." the cat told her softly, "Best ta leave him alone fer a bit."   
Jessie nodded, feeling strange. She followed Meowth back into the main part of the all-in-one apartment. Sitting down shakily at the table, she tried to assess her feelings. She was one of those people who had to keep tabs on her emotions to feel secure, and right now she was feeling very insecure.   
Meowth leapt on to the table in front of her and waved a paw in her face. "Hey Jessie, yous okay?" he asked, "You look kinda weird... yous not comin' down wid a fever too are you?"   
Jessie frowned and shook her head.   
"No Meowth... I'm okay."   
Meowth leapt down from the table and wandered over to the kitchen cupboard. He vaulted onto the ledge beneath and started to rummage through the various items of non-perishable foods. When his search produced no results, he turned back to Jessie.   
"Do we have any more of dose Catnip biscuits? Meowth's hungry!"   
Jessie sighed irritably.   
"You're always hungry, Meowth..." she grumbled, but she got up to look anyway. Pushing aside a box of chocolate cereal flakes (James' idea of a nutritious breakfast), she found the packet of Catnip biscuits. She was about to get them down from the shelf when she heard James' voice calling her.   
"Huh? James?" she queried.   
"Jessie.... come over here," James called back faintly.   
Meowth's eyes widened. "No, don't do dat! Ged yer priorities right! Wad about Meowth's cookies? Nooo Jessie! Waid!! Don't shud da cupboard!"   
He was too late. Jessie had already shut the cupboard door and left the room. Grumbling to himself, Meowth was about to give up when he noticed that Jessie hadn't put the chocolate flakes back in the cupboard. Smirking to himself, he decided that no one would miss the flakes if they suddenly disappeared.   
"Bingo!" he grinned to himself, tipping over the packet and emptying the cereal into his cat dish. Then all that could be heard from the Pokémon cat was satisfied munching.   
  
"Yes James?" Jessie asked, pleased that her partner-in-crime no longer thought she was Jessibell.   
"I was just going to say I'm sorry for thinking you were Jessib... Jessibe... HER. I had this nightmare about her and... you know."   
James looked a little embarrassed.   
Jessie let out a high-pitched laugh.   
"Sorry isn't enough! I can't believe you mistook me for her! I don't think I can ever forgive you!"   
"Really?" James asked dubiously.   
"James... I was joking," Jessie muttered tiredly, "Of course I forgive you, you idiot!"   
"Oh," James responded, showing his typical flair for language.   
Jessie rolled her eyes.   
"You know James, you really are a moron sometimes..."'   
"I know..." James murmured, "But right now I'm too tired to even think straight."   
"Huh? How can you be tired?" Jessie asked, "You've been sleeping all day! I wish I had that luxury!"   
Glancing down at James, she did a double take. He was asleep. Again. Turning to walk away, she let out a startled cry as James grabbed her arm. She spun back around to glare at him.   
"Hey! No fair pretending to be asleep! You scared me!"   
"Sorry," James said, "I didn't mean to... I wasn't pretending, I was just closing my eyes; the light's too bright. Will you stay here? I want... need to talk to you…"   
Jessie blinked and sat down on the edge of the bed.   
"Okay... what do you want to talk about?"   
"I heard what that guy said," James said bluntly.   
"Huh? What guy?" Jessie asked, looking confused.   
"The guy who said that I might die," James replied in the same monotonous voice.   
Jessie bit her lip. James hadn't been meant to hear that. She'd thought he was still unconscious. And now that he'd latched onto the idea...   
"Don't be stupid," she said testily, "You're not going to die."   
"You don't know that..."' James returned, "There's a 65% possibility... isn't that what the doc said?"   
Jessie fidgeted.   
"Well... yes. But it's not going to happen! You look loads better anyway," she lied.   
"No I don't," James sighed, "I look like hell and I feel like it too. And on top of that, my hair's in a terrible state. I haven't been able to wash it since yesterday!"   
Jessie smiled. That was more like James, worrying over his appearance.   
"Of course you feel bad," she told him, "You have a raging fever. But you'll be okay. When you're better, we can check out that new beauty salon in Celadon City. I need some more nail-polish... you can help me choose some!"   
James smiled faintly.   
"Maybe. But if I don't get better, it's okay because you and Meowth are here and..."  
Jessie glared at him.   
"Shut up! Stop talking like that!"   
James looked distant and Jessie suddenly felt strangely uneasy.   
"It would be okay..." James repeated. "But there's someone missing..."   
"Huh?" Jessie was intrigued, "Who's missing?"   
"Growly," James replied, "It should be here."  
Jessie's feeling of uneasiness grew stronger.   
"James... your Growlithe is dead. It died six months ago. Have you forgotten?"   
"It's dead...?" James asked weakly, "So that's why it's not here... But that doesn't matter because when I die I'll be with it."   
Jessie shrieked loudly out of annoyance.   
"SHUT UP!!! Growly's going to have to wait a long time because you are not going to die any time soon. You're too stubborn to die. Hell, if I can't get rid of you, a dumb virus certainly can't! And if you argue with me again, I'll set Arbok on you!"   
"No-one's immortal..." James said quietly, and then added, "Not even me."   
Jessie got up calmly and walked away, not wanting James to see how upset she was.   
  
"Can I have my Catnip now?" Meowth asked as Jessie walked back into the main room.   
Jessie opened the cupboard and took out the cookies, dropping them onto the table with a prolonged sigh.   
"Huh? Wad's wrong?" Meowth quizzed, seeing the female's expression. Jessie sat down.   
"James," she said, as if that was a legitimate answer.   
"What about him?" Meowth asked, "Is he bein,' a jerk again?"   
Jessie shook her head, only a vague movement.   
"He's freaking me out. He keeps talking about dying and... And... I know he's not going to... but still, I don't like the way he's talking. He seems so convinced!"   
Meowth yawned, seemingly not thinking it was very serious.   
"Da poor kid's still delirious. He'll be over id by tomorrow an' den he'll feel really stupid aboud id. Trust me."   
Jessie nodded faintly, feeling drained.   
"Tell ya what..." Meowth offered, gulping down a Catnip biscuit, "I'll go talk ta him. Maybe I can kick some sense in ta him."   
"I guess it's worth a try..." Jessie sighed, "Just don't scratch him or anything... he'll blame me."   
"Okies..." Meowth chirped cheerfully, skipping off into the other room. Once he was gone, Jessie sighed and reached out for the chocolate cornflakes, in need of some comfort food. Tipping the packet, she realised that it was empty, save for three flakes at the bottom. She was about to yell at Meowth when the cat Pokémon came hurtling back into the room, eyes wide.   
"Meowth, what's wrong?!" Jessie demanded anxiously. Meowth slowed down, stopping in front of Jessie. He paused, eyes averted, for a moment before speaking.   
"James wants ta see ya again."   
Jessie blinked.   
"Why? What does he want this time?"   
Meowth scuffed his foot against the floor.   
"He wants ta say goodbye."   
Jessie frowned.   
"I hope you told him where to go. I told him to stop talking like that!"   
Meowth shook his head. "Jessie... I think he's serious. You'd better go see him before it's too late."   
"What are you talking about?!" Jessie snapped angrily. Meowth sighed, looking resigned.   
"He knows it... I know it... and me t'inks you knows it too. Go see him."   
Jessie tried to take in what Meowth had just implied. Her legs felt weak as she stood up, trembling.   
"Okay Meowth..." she whispered.   
"And don't cry!" Meowth warned her, "Yous only make t'ings woyse. Dey'll be a time fer dat later..."   
Jessie nodded, forcing herself to stay calm and neutral through a sea of emotions. Slowly, she walked to the door and into the adjoining room. The first thing she noticed when she saw James was that he no longer looked flushed, just pale and tired like someone who hasn't slept well in days. His eyes were closed, but as she walked to his bedside, he opened them to lock gaze with her. Jessie knelt on the floor by his bed and slipped her hand into his, not taking her eyes away from his. Eventually, James took a deep breath to speak.   
"Meowth sent you in?" He shuddered with the effort.   
Jessie nodded.   
"Yes."'   
She had to force the word out, and as a result, her voice was even hoarser than his.   
James took another deep breath and let it out slowly.   
"Jessie..." he started.   
"Yes James?" Jessie replied softly, but James seemed to have forgotten what he was about to say.   
"Never mind..." he murmured.   
There was a moment of silence, and then James seemed to remember what he was going to say.   
"Jessie..." he started again, "I was thinking..."  
Normally Jessie would have made a jibe about that, along the lines of "You? Thinking? It's a miracle!" but this time she just said, "About what, James?"   
James sighed, his gaze flitting away from Jessie and across the room.   
"About Growly. I won't get to see it because Growly is in heaven and I can't go there... only good people go to heaven, Jessie."   
Jessie gripped his hand tighter, terrified of losing him at any moment. He seemed to be fading, growing paler and more distant by the second.   
"Do you believe in angels...?" she whispered, trying not to cry.   
"I... I guess so..." James answered quietly, returning his gaze to Jessie. Jessie bit her lip, waiting for a few moments before she could trust herself to speak.   
"Then... then you'll go to heaven, and you'll be an angel ... and... And..."   
She turned away to wipe a stray tear that had escaped and was trickling down her cheek.   
"Jessie, don't cry!"   
The desperation in James' voice almost hurt.   
"If you start crying then I might too..." he continued, "And I don't want that to happen. I don't have enough energy."   
Jessie nodded, forcing back further tears. "I'm sorry."   
"No, don't be sorry..." James pleaded, "At least it shows that you care."   
Jessie was taken aback.   
"Of course I care!" she snapped, half at him, and half at herself, wondering if he really thought she was heartless.   
"I didn't mean that I didn't think you did care," James tried to amend, "I just meant that... ohh I always say the wrong things! I'm such a screw-up!"   
Jessie had a sudden urge to hug him, for being such an idiot and for being so sensitive and sweet. But she was afraid that in his weakened condition she might suffocate him, so she held back.   
"You're not a screw up..." she murmured, "You always try your best, and that's what counts."   
She realised suddenly that he wasn't listening. He was staring into space as if in a daydream.   
"James!" Jessie cried worriedly, shaking him. He snapped out of it with a jolt.   
"You know what I regret most?" he asked, completely out of the blue.  
"What?" Jessie asked him.   
James' teal eyes sparkled with sudden alertness.   
"I regret that I never got to fulfil my life's ambition."   
"What was your life's ambition?" Jessie probed, wondering if maybe he was thinking of capturing Pikachu, getting a promotion, landing a jackpot windfall...   
His answer stunned her.   
"All I ever really wanted was to become a Pokémon trainer. You know... a proper one with a proper training license and badges. I flunked all hope of that when I flunked Tech School... but I was thinking that maybe one day I'd make a fresh start..."   
"*That* was your life's ambition?" Jessie asked disbelievingly.   
James nodded sadly.   
"I don't think I'm cut out to be a member of Team Rocket, but I don't regret joining. We had some good times, didn't we?"   
Jessie nodded, feeling her eyes filling again.   
"Do you remember when that cruise ship sank and we were on it?" James continued. Jessie nodded again, suddenly knowing where this was leading.   
"And do you remember that ghost at Maiden's Peak? You saved me, Jessie..."   
His voice was growing faint now; he was slipping away. "And... And do you remember getting lost in Viridian Forest and getting so hungry we thought about barbecuing Meowth...?"   
"Oh James... that was last week!" Jessie sighed, clasping his hand tightly. James let out a shaky breath.   
"You'll look after Meowth won't you? Kick him if he gets out of order. And Jessie.... don't.... don't..."   
He fell back slightly, eyes closing. Jessie shook him softly.   
"What, James? Don't what?"   
"Don't forget.... don't forget to check out that beauty salon... in Celadon. I... I think silver varnish would really... suit you."   
He yawned, trying to take in air that his body was rejecting. His hair had fallen into his eyes again, and she brushed it away, wanting to take one last look at him. She squeezed his hand gently.   
"James... are you still with me?"   
A soft squeeze in return answered her.   
"Jessie...?"   
His voice was barely a whisper now, no louder than his own breathing.   
"Yes James?" Jessie whispered back, feeling darkness closing in around them like a bitter winter.   
"Stay here, Jessie... don't go anywhere..."   
"I'm not going anywhere, James... I'm right here," Jessie replied calmly, feeling how scared James was.   
"Jessie? Wh-where are you? I-I can't see you, Jessie!"   
Jessie didn't know if James could still hear her or not, but she tried her best to comfort him with gentle, reassuring words.   
James' breathing became more laboured as he tried to speak again.   
"James... you don't have to say anything," Jessie murmured, "I won't leave you."   
James seemed to calm down, no longer fighting the current that was trying to drag him away. With a final breath, drawn out to give him a last moment of life, he whispered something that sounded like "Thanks Jess."   
He didn't let out the breath. He was gone.   
Jessie suddenly knew there was something she had forgotten to say. Perhaps it wasn't too late. Leaning over him, she kissed him softly on the lips, hoping that somehow he'd hold on long enough to feel it. Then she cried. No melodramatic waterfall of tears this time, just soft sobbing.   
From the doorway, Meowth padded in. Jessie lifted her head, mascara tracing a path down her cheek.   
Meowth instantly knew, but Jessie said it anyway.   
"Meowth... h-he's gone..."   
Meowth nodded sombrely, his expression said it all.   
Jessie moved to get up, then realised that her hand was still holding James'. As she gently slid her hand away, she noticed that his skin was still warm. He didn't look like he was dead. But he wasn't breathing and his heart wasn't beating.   
"Jessie, come on," Meowth urged, "We hafta call somebody. You hafta leave him now."   
Jessie started to get up again, but something held her back.   
"Not yet, Meowth," she murmured quietly, "I promised I'd stay with him."   
"But he's gone now..." Meowth said sadly, "You can't stay there forever."   
Jessie shook her head.   
"Not forever. Just a bit longer."   
Meowth nodded understandingly, a far cry from his usual attitude. He thought it best to leave Jessie alone while she was mourning.   
Jessie stayed by James' side for almost two hours, while he still looked like he was sleeping peacefully. Then the cold, harsh reality of death hit home and she realised that it wasn't James anymore. His body was an empty cocoon, no longer a person with a personality and a soul.   
Suddenly feeling creeped, she shook her hand free of his and ran out of the room. Collapsing at the table, her body shook violently as she tried to contain the emotions that were threatening to overcome her.   
Meowth walked up to her, his eyes sorrowful. Jessie didn't seem to notice him, but he spoke anyway.   
"I called someone, dey'll be here soon. And da boss wants ta see ya."   
"Thanks Meowth,"' Jessie whispered, not looking up.   
"I'll make up some excuse so's dat you don't gots to go," Meowth decided, seeing that Jessie was in no fit state to talk to Giovanni.   
Jessie managed a watery but genuine smile at the Pokémon cat.   
"Thanks again."   
"No problemo," Meowth replied, but without his usual quirkiness.   
Meowth left, and Jessie was alone in the apartment. Her mind raced, but she felt exhausted. Time crawled by, but to Jessie it seemed nonexistent. The officials came and went, taking James with them, Meowth got back from Giovanni's office with a large dent in his tail, a couple of fellow Rocket members stopped by to offer condolences, but Jessie had lost the ability to feel anything. She felt tired but the last thing she wanted to do was sleep. The afternoon passed into evening, and still Jessie sat at the table lost in her thoughts. Midnight announced its presence in the form of a loud chime from the clock on the mantelpiece. Meowth had curled up in a ball in the corner of the room and was sleeping. He had a bed, but like Jessie he didn't want to go into the room where James had died. Eventually tiredness forced Jessie to make a decision and move. She slept on the couch with no duvet. Somehow she managed to doze off and drift into a deep slumber. Halfway through the night she had a vivid dream. She was sitting at a table opposite James, but she couldn't touch him. He was surrounded by a pale blue aura, but apart from that, he looked as alive as in life. He was smiling at her and all her feelings of sadness dissipated.   
"I had to say a proper goodbye," he was saying, "I don't think I managed to do that. I don't want you to be sad..."   
"But I'm going to miss you..." Jessie murmured, trying again to reach over and touch him but a cold blast of air forced her back.   
"Why should you miss me?" James asked, "I'm not really gone. I'm just not in Team Rocket any more."   
"But we're a team," Jessie sighed, "It just won't be the same without you."   
"Jessie, we're still a team!" James insisted, "Nothing's changed! Unless you can believe that, there's no point in even trying."   
The aura surrounding him flickered uncertainly.   
"James! Don't go!" Jessie cried.   
"I'm not going anywhere," James promised, echoing Jessie's earlier words. "But I can't be with you in person. You know that. What happened was a stupid accident, but it hasn't changed either of us. We're still the same people. We're still soul mates."   
"Soul mates?" Jessie breathed. It sounded so nice, and Jessie felt slightly comforted.   
James nodded.  
"I think I would have died a lot sooner if we hadn't had been soul mates. You've saved my life so many times, even after all the things I did wrong. Jessie... do you remember me saying that I believed in angels?"   
"Yes," Jessie said, staring into his eyes.   
"Well you're one of them," James said softly, "And I believe in you."   
There was a soft bark in the background. James chuckled. "Growly says hi."   
Then his expression turned serious. "I have to go now."  
Jessie shook her head vigorously.   
"No! Why?"   
"Because I'm not really here anyway," James replied cryptically.   
"But... but..." Jessie started, but James didn't let her finish.   
"Don't say anything, Jessie. Just think." He paused. "Wait, I almost forgot..."   
"Forgot wh-" Jessie began, but again James cut her off, this time by reaching out and grabbing her hand. The sensation was strange, like a cool breeze over Jessie's skin, not quite real. Smiling, he placed a beautiful white rose into Jessie's palm and gently closed her fist around the stem. Brushing his hand over hers one last time, he beamed at her the way he always did when he was delighted - like a kid.   
"There. I'm done. Wasn't that romantic?"   
Jessie couldn't speak; her vocabulary was lost. James didn't seem to mind one bit.   
"I've always wanted to do that," he said.   
"Then why didn't you...?" Jessie asked, finally getting her voice back.  
"Because we're friends, not lovers," James explained, "It would have ruined it. Besides, if I had tried that when I was still alive, you would have beaten me to death with your powder compact or something. I didn't think you were into flowers and romance."   
"I'm not..." Jessie agreed, "But for you I can make an exception. I'll let you get away with it, it was a sweet gesture."   
"But now that's done," James said, "You have to get on with your life. Get yourself a boyfriend!"   
He grinned mischievously.   
Jessie glanced down at the rose held loosely in her hand, tainted blue and free of thorns. She shook her head.   
"You know I can't do that, James."  
James feigned complete confusion.  
"Why not?"   
"You know exactly why not!" Jessie cried exasperatedly, "Don't make me say it!"   
James smiled knowingly and was about to say something when they both heard a low-pitched whine.   
"Ohh... Growly says we have to go now," James sighed, "Take care Jessie. Tell Meowth I don't hate him, because I think he thinks I do. And don't forget to buy that silver nail varnish! I want to see if it suits you!"   
"I will..." Jessie promised.   
James leaned forward and kissed her affectionately on the cheek. Jessie closed her eyes and for a moment she could have sworn it was more than just a dream. Then she opened her eyes and he was gone.   
***  
  
"Jessie, wake up!"   
Jessie yawned and opened her eyes cautiously to see Meowth sitting on the table in front of her, flicking her nose with his paw. She did a double take. She had fallen asleep on the couch, so why was she sitting at the table? Her hand felt numb, and she realised that it was curled in a fist, as if around something… like a rose. She shivered and shook her hand to relieve it of the tingling sensation.   
"Yes Meowth?" she finally murmured.   
"It's gettin,' late, just thought I'd give ya a wake-up call," Meowth said, jumping down from the table. "By the way, yous was sleepwalking."   
"I had a really nice dream..." Jessie yawned, putting her head back on the table, "Why did you have to wake me up?"   
Meowth knew she had to have been dreaming of James.  
"Dat was a dream, dis is real life," he said, slightly concerned at how carefree Jessie seemed, almost happy. "He's not comin' back, yous gonna have to move on!"   
Jessie whirled on him, taking the cat completely by surprise.   
"No!" she snapped, "Some things belong in the past, but James isn't one of them! Nothing's changed, so there's nothing to move on from!"   
Meowth blinked. Da poor gal's in denial.. he thought miserably. Jessie saw his cynical expression and sighed.   
"I haven't lost the plot, Meowth," she insisted, "But James is still with us because we were... are a team. It hasn't changed. Surely you can see that. Do you understand?"   
Meowth nodded, although he wasn't sure that he did. Jessie was a difficult character to understand at the best of times, but when she went into her self-absorbed trances, she was even harder to decipher.   
"Well ... he eventually said, "Dat's somethin' ta t'ink about anyways. I's gotta go now. Gots some people ta talk to 'bout arrangements."   
"Arrangements?" Jessie's head snapped up, instantly suspicious of the cat. "Arrangements for what?"   
Meowth grimaced.  
"Da funeral of course."   
"Funeral...?" Jessie breathed.   
Caught up in her own self-comforting thoughts, she had almost forgotten that James was physically deceased, even if not in spirit. Of course he needed a funeral.   
"Den I'll see ya later,"' Meowth told her, "If da boss calls on ya, yous better go see him. He's not da most sympathetic poysen... just ignore him. I told him ta go easy on ya, but I t'ink da only t'ing he's worried about is gettin ya a new partner."   
Jessie blanched.   
"A new partner?! Oh no... I can't!"   
Meowth cocked his head to one side.   
"Yous can't run a team all by yous self! Yous need at least two poysens to dig da hole an' cover it wid leaves so dat yous can trap people and dere Pokémon!"   
"But it would be like betraying James," Jessie sighed, "You can't just... replace him."   
"I suppose yous right..." Meowth murmured, "I feel da same as ya, but ya'll hafta cross dat bridge when ya come ta it.""   
Jessie was briefly reminded of the time when James had used that exact same line as they were crossing a broken bridge in pursuit of Ash and his Pikachu over a year ago. Of course, they had fallen. But that was beside the point. Meowth waved a paw in front of Jessie's face, snapping her back to awareness.   
"Huh?" she queried.   
"Nothin'... I's better go den," Meowth yawned, stretching and extending his claws as if in preparation.   
Jessie nodded a farewell. "See you later, Meowth."   
  
  
***  
  
  
The memorial service was a quiet one, although more people turned up than Jessie thought would. It seemed that James had known a lot of people. Most, only briefly acquainted, but enough to recognise that a light had gone out within the collective spirit of Team Rocket.   
Jessie sat at the front, aware of several members of the biker gang she had once belonged to sitting behind her, talking in quiet murmurs about James, smiling over memories of the biker who still needed training wheels to cycle, even as a teenager. However, Meowth didn't turn up. He had asked Jessie to save him a place at the front, but hadn't appeared. As the service began, Jessie started to fret that the feline Pokémon wouldn't show up at all. But as somebody in black lit a candle in remembrance, Jessie noticed a familiar form standing just at the side of the raised announcement platform.   
Meowth exchanged a few hushed words with the person, also off stage, who was supposed to be making a speech. Then the somewhat nervous-looking cat clambered on to the platform, a scrap of notepaper in his paw. Jessie's heart skipped a beat.   
He's going to make a speech!  
Meowth cleared his throat, looking a little scared. It was obvious that he had planned this himself, so it wasn't likely to be very organised.   
"Err..." the cat began, "Dis was kinda a last minute arrangement so bear wid me..."   
Several people were looking at each other now. Most knew Meowth only as the mean and selfish Pokémon on Jessie and James' team, incapable of feelings and more likely to try and crack a few jokes rather than make a serious speech. Dubious looks were exchanged across the hall, causing Meowth to fidget even more uncomfortably. Eventually he could take it no longer.   
"Listen to me!!" he hollered, causing everyone to stop murmuring and stare at him. Blushing somewhat, Meowth continued. "I know yous all t'ink I don't care dat James is gone, but I miss him just as much as ya'll do. So gimme a chance ta speak!"   
Jessie blinked, admiration for the cat rising within her. He's brave... she mused to herself.   
Meowth didn't say anything for a few seconds and Jessie feared that he might have run dry already. But then Meowth took a deep breath to speak again.   
"I'm not gonna do a fancy speech," he said, "But dere are a few t'ings I wanna say before anyt'ing else. James was a nice guy... maybe too nice. He's saved my tall more dan once, he didn't desoive ta die so early in his career. I... I... Dis may sound stupid because I'm no poet, dat's James' speciality, but I'm gonna read dis anyway. I thought about dis for a while, and I t'ink it sums up all of our feelin's pretty much."   
He coughed uncertainly and unfolded the piece of paper he had been clenching so tightly.   
"*Ahem* Okay... here goes. For... for..."   
He trailed off unexpectedly, looking choked with emotion. Taking a deep breath, he tried again. "For every... every..." he trailed off again. "MEOWTH! I CAN'T DO THIS!!!"   
Throwing down the piece of paper angrily, he ran off the platform.   
"Meowth!" Jessie cried in alarm, leaping up.   
The Pokémon cat shrugged sadly from where he was.  
"I'm sorry... I just can't do it..." he sniffed, padding over to Jessie and flopping into the chair next to her.   
"It's okay, Meowth..." Jessie soothed, though she felt a little disappointed that she wouldn't get to find out what the cat had written.   
"No it's not..." Meowth sighed, "I'm lettin' James down. But I know if I's try to... try to... Why don't you read id for me, Jessie?"   
"You'll let me read out your poem?" Jessie asked, a ray of hope filtering into her eyes.   
"Yeah... go on," Meowth persisted, "You's much better at dat sorda stuff anyways."   
Jessie smiled.   
"Thanks Meowth. It means a lot to me."   
She slowly walked to the platform, jumping delicately onto it and picking up the abandoned scrap of paper. The confused murmur of voices died down as she prepared to attempt to read out Meowth's poem, through the barely legible writing.   
"Not mine, but Meowth's," she confirmed first. "But he doesn't want to read it so I will. There's nothing lost if I do, and maybe something to be gained."   
Sighing, she lowered her eyes to the paper and began to read.   
  
For every night there is a day,   
Though now it seems so far away,   
The people who you treasure most  
Are the ones who've slipped away.  
Although he's gone, we're still a team,  
We still have our collective dream,  
In a moment, all has changed   
But still everything stays the same.   
In a moment of confusion we can  
Try to find our ground   
And search for explanations   
But no answers can be found.   
He played a part in our history,  
In every minor victory.   
You can try to forget, to erase his name   
'Coz some things belong in the past… But not James.   
  
  
Jessie knew where Meowth had gotten his last line from, and she was deeply touched. Swallowing hard, she folded the paper and tucked it away.   
"I think that's how all of us feel right now," she murmured, "We're all going to miss James... so much..."   
She squeezed her eyes shut, the emotion of the moment hitting her hard. A tear spilled over her long eyelashes, trickling down her cheek. Jessie had to wait a few moments before she could trust herself not to squeak.   
"I don't have anything else to say," she eventually managed, "But it's what's not been said that's important. Tomorrow you'll all be getting on with your lives again, and that's the best way to cope. Don't take time out for James; he wouldn't want you to do that. I guess ... I guess that's it. Thank-you all for being here... and thanks Meowth. I ... I... ohh..."   
Jessie shook her head, unable to continue. One of the black-clad men gently ushered her off the platform and back to her chair, patting her shoulder reassuringly.   
"Dat was so beaudiful..." Meowth commented as Jessie returned to her seat, "I t'ink everyone here was cryin' when you was talkin'..."   
"It was your poem…" Jessie reminded him as Meowth wiped tears from his eyes with the back of his paw.   
Meowth didn't reply, and Jessie realised that the cat was sobbing. He hadn't cried at all until now, not even on the day James had died. Jessie sighed mournfully and gently stroked Meowth's fur, trying to comfort him.   
"It's okay Meowth... everything is okay..." she murmured.   
"No it's not..." Meowth sniffled, "I's bin thinkin'... I's was always so horrible to him... D'ya t'ink he hates me fer it? I mean, I's never said anyt'ing nice to him, ever. I's feel so guilty..."   
Jessie's eyes widened in sympathy.   
"I know you cared about him, Meowth," she said gently, "And he knows too. He doesn't hate you. I promise."   
"'R-really?"' Meowth asked, looking up at Jessie through red-rimmed eyes. Jessie nodded. She couldn't explain to Meowth how she knew, about her dream, he wouldn't understand. But Meowth seemed to cheer up a bit. Then suddenly he leapt up, pointing across the room.   
"Ohh look..."   
Jessie turned to where Meowth was pointing. Two men in dark attire were draping a Team Rocket flag over James' coffin. Jessie leapt up and ran across to them, ripping the flag away and throwing it into the flames of the furnace behind her.   
"No! You can't do that!" she shrieked, "James doesn't want a Team Rocket funeral! He might have been Team Rocket, but he's not anymore!"   
"What do you think you're doing?!"   
The deep voice from behind her made her jump. Giovanni was glaring disapprovingly at her, but she didn't care. She felt bold as she turned to face the her glowering boss.   
"I'm just making sure that James gets what he would have wanted, and not what you want, Sir."   
"I don't know what you're talking about!" Giovanni snapped, "Any Team Rocket member who dies within the service is treated in exactly the same way."   
"So you'd deny James what he'd want, even now?!" Jessie asked disbelievingly. "He doesn't want to be remembered for being a criminal! Give him some respect, Sir! Bury him at his parents' mansion next to his Growlithe, please. That's what he would have wanted."   
"Don't be stupid!" Giovanni bellowed, "That is ridiculous! I will not have you interfering with standard procedure!"  
"You... you... YOU!" Jessie was trembling with rage. "Do it or else! I mean it, Sir!"   
"Or else...?"  
Giovanni seemed amused by the threat.   
Jessie lowered her eyes, knowing that she had been defeated. Then a small but determined voice piped up from next to her.   
"Please Boss... do what Jessie asked ya to. Yous can't expect any of yous men to respect yous if yous won't even give someone like James their last request. It would mean a lot to all of us... and to him, Boss."  
Giovanni looked peeved, but now everyone was staring at him, waiting for his acceptance or refusal.   
"Ohh alright!" he finally hissed, "I'll have someone contact his parents. But this is not usual procedure!"   
Jessie sighed with relief.   
"Oh thank-you Sir!"   
Giovanni gave her a look of utter contempt and stalked off. Jessie looked down at Meowth. "And thank-you, Meowth."   
Meowth shrugged.   
"It's da least I could do fer a friend."   
  
  
***  
  
  
Although the room was warm, the atmosphere in Giovanni's office was icy. Jessie was standing in front of the desk with Meowth, waiting for Giovanni to finish arranging papers and speak to her. Finally he looked up and spoke.   
"You know why I called you here."   
"Yessir," Jessie and Meowth said in unison.   
"Good," Giovanni rumbled. "I sympathise with your loss, but it is vital not to get sidetracked. You are to be assigned to a new team. I do not expect any arguments."   
Jessie's lip trembled.   
"A new team, Sir?"   
"Yes," Giovanni continued impassively, "It is not acceptable for you to continue this masquerade on your own. Hopefully, with a new and more competent partner, you will finally be able to achieve a success."   
Jessie couldn't believe what she was hearing. By the look on her companion's face, Meowth was stunned too.   
"Wad? Jus' like dat?" he asked incredulously.   
"I believe there is a temporary vacancy on Neo-Team Rocket," Giovanni mused, "A third member is required for an elaborate scheme I have planned."  
"What?!" Jessie shrieked, "Join Butch and Cassidy?! I'm not doing it, Sir!"  
"Are you defying me, Miss Jessica Rocket?" Giovanni asked, seeming to swell in size as he towered over her.   
"I'd rather quit Team Rocket than work with Butch and Cassidy," Jessie said quietly, aware of Meowth hopping up and down nervously next to her.   
"I'm sure that you are aware that you cannot leave Team Rocket, as you are under contract," Giovanni smirked, "If you were to try such a stunt, I would be forced to send my assassins after you."  
"You could, Sir," Jessie agreed, "But then you'd be wanted for murder as well as theft and general disruption. Besides, if I refuse to work with the team you assign me to, is there much point in me staying?"   
"Are you handing in your resignation?" Giovanni demanded.   
"I suppose so..." Jessie started, then "Yes. Yes I am. Good riddance. I'm out of here."   
She turned on her heels and swept out of the spacious office.   
"Ahh... such a pity," Giovanni murmured, stroking the charm of his elaborate Persian. Meowth stood there, looking uncomfortable. The Persian purred happily.   
"So Meowth," Giovanni said, addressing the smaller Pokémon cat, "I assume you are not going to be as foolish as that idiotic girl. If you wish to stay, you shall be posted with Butch and Cassidy. That will earn you much respect, my friend."  
"Respect?" Meowth whispered.   
"Yes," Giovanni continued. "You could become Top Cat again. Consider the situation, Meowth."   
Meowth considered it. Then suddenly he knew that it wasn't respect and power he wanted. Perhaps a few weeks ago his views would have been entirely different, but now he was sure of his answer.   
"Sorry Boss, but Meowth's quitting da team as of now!" he declared. "Id was nice knowin' ya! If ya need me, I'll be throwin' darts at Pikachu. But I ain't chasing id no more. See ya!"   
And with that, he was gone.   
Giovanni sighed, a deep, powerful sigh. He had known it would eventually come down to this. He wasn't particularly sorry, but he was annoyed. Three members of Team Rocket had to be replaced.   
"BUTCH AND CASSIDY! MY OFFICE, NOW!!!" he bellowed.   
  
  
***  
  
Epilogue  
  
"Are ya really gonna apply fer Pokémon Tech *again*?" Meowth asked, as he tagged along beside Jessie.   
The red-haired girl nodded confidently.  
"So ya really wanna get a proper trainin' licence..." Meowth concluded, "But why? Why did ya give up Team Rocket jus' to go to some crummy Pokémon school?"   
"You know why," Jessie said, not looking up.   
"I t'ink I do..." Meowth mulled, "But I's not sure. Is id somethin' ta do wid James?"   
"No, it's not something to do with James, " Jessie told him, "It's *everything* to do with James. He wanted to be a Pokémon trainer and get badges, so I'm going to do it for him. I'm going to prove that anyone has the potential to live out their dreams. I've never wanted to do anything more than this. Besides, it will be fun!" Then she turned to Meowth. "Are you coming?"   
Meowth started. He looked up at Jessie.   
"Me? Go ta Tech School wid ya? But I'm a Pokémon, not a trainer!"   
"You've always been your own trainer," Jessie reminded him.   
Meowth sighed sadly.   
"I know. And id's no fun. I need a real trainer... I'm not supposed to do id on my own!"   
"I know what! I'll be your trainer!" Jessie suddenly exclaimed.   
"Huh?" Meowth stuttered, "You?"   
"Why not?" Jessie smiled, "If you want one so badly, I'll do it. You can help me win badges!"   
Meowth opened his mouth, and then closed it again. Then a slow smile spread across his face.   
"Okay! Just no Pokéballs! I's not goin' in one of dose!"   
"No Pokéballs," Jessie promised, "Oh thank-you Meowth! I just know we're going to do great! A year from now, we'll be living a new life. Free. No rules, no regulations... just a joint ambition!"   
"An' we's doin' it for James," Meowth said gravely.   
Jessie nodded softly.   
"For James."'   
A moment of silence enforced a new bond between the friends. Nothing could split them up now.   
And so Jessie and Meowth headed off into the sunset with a new dream. One that didn't involve money or stealing rare Pokémon. A new beginning. And in his office deep within the Team Rocket HQ, Giovanni fumed as Neo-Team Rocket returned from their mission attempt with nothing except cheesy grins.   
Gradually, Team Rocket's reign of terror began to fade, becoming nothing more than a weathered memory.   
  
A year passes. In a clearing in Viridian Forest, a young woman and a meowth lie in sleeping bags staring up at the stars as they dream of Pokémon League success. And from beyond the stars, and perhaps beyond eternity itself, a lavender-haired boy and his Growlithe gaze back contentedly. An era may have ended, but a new one is just beginning.   
  
THE END.   
  
  
  
  



End file.
